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The first book specifically for daughters suffering from the emotional abuse of selfish, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life for yourself. Drawing on over two decades of experience as a therapist specializing in women's psychology and health, psychotherapist Dr. Karyl McBride helps you recognize the widespread effects of this maternal emotional abuse and guides you as you create an individualized program for self-protection, resolution, and complete recovery. Narcissistic mothers teach their daughters that love is not unconditional, that it is given only when they behave in accordance with maternal expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters have difficulty overcoming feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, emotional emptiness, and sadness. They may also have a fear of abandonment that leads them to form unhealthy romantic relationships, as well as a tendency to perfectionism and unrelenting self-criticism or to self-sabotage and frustration. Dr. McBride's step-by-step program will enable you to: -1) Recognize your own experience with maternal narcissism and its effects on all aspects of your life -2) Discover how you have internalized verbal and nonverbal messages from your mother and how these have translated into overachievement or self-sabotage -3) Construct a personalized program to take control of your life and enhance your sense of self, establishing healthy boundaries with your mother and breaking the legacy of abuse Warm and sympathetic, Dr. McBride brings a profound level of authority to Will I Ever Be Good Enough? that encourages and inspires you as it aids your recovery.
- Sales Rank: #894465 in Books
- Published on: 2011-11-21
- Formats: Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.40" h x .60" w x 5.30" l, .20 pounds
- Running time: 8 Hours
- Binding: MP3 CD
From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. After 26 years of practice, therapist McBride discovered a distressing commonality with her female patients: a narcissistic mother. I had treated scores of women who shared many of the same symptoms.... oversensitivity, indecisiveness, self-consciousness, lack of self-trust, inability to succeed in relationships, lack of confidence... and a general sense of insecurity, McBride writes, and she ties these traits to growing up without a nurturing maternal figure. According to the author, as many as 1.5 million American women have narcissistic personality disorder and can be detected by their self-absorption, inability to empathize and fixation with looks and appearance. McBride presents specific steps toward recovery that daughters of any age can use as they grieve for the love and support they didn't receive, set healthy boundaries with their mothers and access an internal mother as a source of self-comforting. The author provides parenting tips as well as advice on maintaining healthy love relationships and friendships—all of which tend to be weak points of the daughters of narcissistic mothers. An excellent bibliography rounds out this revealing book, which ends on a hopeful and pragmatic note. (Sept.)
Copyright � Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
"The author provides parenting tips as well as advice on maintaining healthy love relationships and friendships." ---Publishers Weekly Starred Review
Review
"Will I Ever Be Good Enough? illuminates a very common and unnamed wound -- the wound that results from growing up with a narcissistic mother. In this engaging book, Karyl McBride provides a clear, honest, and effective way to heal this wound and live life fully and joyfully." -- Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom, The Wisdom of Menopause, and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom
"Dr. Karyl McBride has convened a fellowship of female voices to describe every flavor of experience with maternal narcissism. However marginalized from the mainstream of mother-daughter relationships you may have felt before this, you are no longer alone on the road to recovery." -- Sandy Hotchkiss, Psy.D., L.C.S.W., author of Why Is It Always About You?
"Narcissistic mothers are always there when they need you. They expect to be the center of attention, and they can be cruel if they don't get what they want. Learning how to set boundaries with narcissistic mothers is a complex challenge. Dr. McBride offers a step-by-step approach to understanding narcissism, setting limits on the abuse, and recovering from the psychological damage. This book is a must read for every woman living in the shadow of a domineering, self-focused parent." -- Nanette Gartrell, M.D., author of My Answer Is NO...If That's Okay with You
"The long-term destructive consequences that narcissistic parents have for their children are well known. Until now, however, there has been little in the way of helpful advice for those who were raised by these parents. In this insightful new book, Dr. McBride presents a detailed examination of narcissistic mothers and the harmful effects on their daughters. She also offers practical, step-by-step guidance for working through these issues. This book is a terrific resource for those women raised by narcissistic mothers and looking for strategies for change." -- W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D., author of When You Love a Man Who Loves Himself
"Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an amazing journey out of pain. Providing true professional guidance and clarity, Dr. Karyl McBride heaps in genuine love and kindness. This book is like having an ideal therapist at your convenience, who really helps you heal self-doubt and self-rejection. Every page is milk and honey to your soul." -- Tama J. Kieves, author of This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love (How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All!)
Most helpful customer reviews
36 of 36 people found the following review helpful.
Game changer!
By Misha
Holy crap! I am 31 years old, and only now have I come to terms with the limitations of my mother during my childhood, brought to light by this book. I went into therapy last year after realizing I was seriously underachieving, yet remained passive like a leaf in the wind( this was due to the fact that I was always on other people's agendas and unable to act individually.) I realized I was codependent, stemming from being a peacemaker/emotional caretaker at a very young age... and that my "value" to my mom was and is 100% based on actions. She would verbatim say phrases for years such as "I wish you were never born" to "you are a burden" pointblank over and over and over. I was naturally a smart kid and excelled easily in school, but very early on I learned how to shrink myself. In my mid-20s, after having much less contact with my mom (she does not initiate contact 99% of the time) yet still not dealing with any issues I nearly lost my voice. It was so strange and I just knew it was psychosomatic. It has strengthened since the codependent work and after I've read this book and understand where this whole thing developed from I know it will be strong. I would read the codependent books that talk about valuing oneself intrinsically rather than on what one does... I literally could not get this concept into my brain at all. There was a massive block, and only now do I realize WHY: I have been trained since birth to believe this, and actually live and experience an exclusively conditional environment. If you withhold love from a child you may as well withhold air.
Please read this book if you even suspect you have a diminishing, overly self-centered mother. It is such a taboo in our society. It is a very hard concept to accept, which Dr. McBride reiterates over and over. We have been trained to be "good girls" and we all want that ideal family in our heads. Outwardly, my parents are still married, their three daughters grew up and flew the coup and they got a dog. Behind the curtain is a nightmare. Now when people ask me if I'm close to my mom I say "nope". I'm done carrying on the torch of pain, delusion and BS. This doesn't mean I will stop talking to her or retaliate in any way, it just brings me out of a deluded, painful and ineffective way of living my life, which is not at all the real me. I wish the best for both of us.
1194 of 1205 people found the following review helpful.
Oh My God was this worthwhile
By D. E. Quigley
Reading this book was an incredibly validating experience. I have never written a book review in my life but I believe that this work is essential for daughters of narcissistic mothers. I am 45 years old and have been in counseling for 4 years with a great counselor to address my mom's Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have had difficulties in the denial and acceptance department; it seems that cognitively I know that my mother doesn't have the capacity to ever be warm, loving, or empathetic. However,I have had many instances where I just thought well maybe I am just the nutty girl and go back into denial. My counselor has spent hours upon hours discussing the harm that comes from being raised by a narcissistic mother. And, yes, I have read many books on narcissism. The difference with this book is that it is written from a first hand experience and includes very specific exchanged between the narcissistic mother and the "still" seeking daughter. In reading this book I must have said oh my God hundreds of times. I made margin notes where I wrote "yep" next to so many scenarios, feelings, yearnings, lowered self esteem, being self critical, the workaholism (I am a practicing trial attorney), and the issues with respect to brothers being treated differently. I am the only daughter and I have 3 brothers who had vastly different experiences with my mother. They are all perfect princes and I am the one that is constantly criticized and judged. For many years I have grappled with my brothers' experience versus mine and it was crazy-making. This book explains that daughters of narcissistic mothers may be subject to projection, jealousy, and envy because you are viewed as her extension (or shadow). It finally made sense. IF YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF A NARCISSIST MOTHER THIS IS THE MOST HONEST AND FORTHRIGHT BOOK THAT I HAVE COME ACROSS AND IT IS ONE THAT I WILL USE AS A REFERENCE GUIDE FOR GROUNDING AND VALIDATION ON A REGULAR BASIS.
53 of 55 people found the following review helpful.
Only for a certain type of "daughter"
By Ford
This book is good if you are an older woman with a family or struggling with her love life. The author covers types of narcissistic mothers, the types of women we become from that, and how to "recover." It's limited, vague, and it's obvious who the type of "daughter" her prefered audience is. If you're an overachieving mother, this book if for you.
I find that this book fails to cover the manipulation we suffered and the distrust it causes. Dr. McBride doesn't cover the "how" either. She constantly stops mid explanation to say she will go more in depth on a subject in later chapters, which (never really happens and) fails to do. This is a quick book, not a deep read. The "recovering" portion, Part Three, is superficial and obvious. Yes, we must love ourselves and gain acceptance and understanding and move forward. Like I said earlier, she doesn't go into the "how" we go about doing this.
This book isn't for young women, or women who aren't focused on romance. Women who are too scared for romance get about a page dedicated to them. Not for those who want vast, clear, and forward explanations. This book was constantly cushioning the reader. I find that daughters of narcassistic mothers do not was fluffy words to comfort us: those types of things scare us. We reject them. We tense up and we automatically have disbelief and start arguing with the words to protect ourselves. I found that by the end of the book, I was more irritated with her than at peace.
It was alright. A quick, soft read. I didn't get answers, but it gave me some insight.
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